"I was at [the] top of my game when I was in combat....To me, it's a little distressing to realize I was at my best doing something as terrible as war."-Robert Rheault US special forces. *source at end of article
That PBS Vietnam war documentary re-confirmed my now strong beliefs about the subject I have written about below: forgiveness. A lot of those guys mix up some very good feelings with some very bad things. That causes problems later in life and requires a process similar to the one I am suggesting in this article.
There are two well known kid's stories that represent the theme of this blogg article very well: the Lion and the Slave, and the Pea and the Princess. The idea is that you have to get rid of the bad, not just keep focusing on the good. "Repentence and forgiveness" is what it is called in old world talk, but is really the process of learning from, getting to the truth, and letting go of.
You are limited by your beliefs. Your beliefs come from your judgements(the conclusions/lines you've drawn). The mistakes you make are being judged(by you) and if you don’t learn from them, your judgements will continue to hurt you.
So, what if you have done bad things or made incorrect judgements of things that weren't that bad, or both? What do you do in that situation?
You pull the thorn out. You get to the very bottom of it and disprove it. You actually get rid of the problem. A lot of coaches and, I believe, psychologists try to help their clients develop strategies to live with their past and accept it, but that is rediculous. The ceiling is still low and those walls are still there. You can white knuckle your way through life all you want, but if your beliefs don't change, then the actions are still on the table(a possibility). When your beliefs change, you don't need to white knuckle.
How do you pull the thorn out? You learn from it and compare it to your highest beliefs. If you get nothing from that, then it wasn't the thorn.
A loose way of doing this is: What-Break-Learn-Compare
What am I feeling? (what)
What is that? (break it down)
Do I believe in that? Is that right? (learn)
What do I believe in? (compare to my highest beliefs)
....I do that or something like that literally all the time. Its fast and easy and gets rid of the symptom of the problem right away.
If you really want to get to the bottom of it, here's a detailed framework to follow: What is the Goal? What do you believe/what are you feeling? When was the last time you reached that goal? Break it down. Learn from it. Compare it to your highest beliefs. Work with it a little to get what you need from it.
*Goal: I want to be full throttle.
*What am I feeling? I feel like I'm going to hurt people. I hurt people when I am on my peak. (What)