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Comfort Deficit

I was talking to my client the other day about Israel and Mexico and later thought of Hiroshima. This is a sensitive issue obviously but it relates to a problem I see in coaching in a broader sense.

Generally speaking people are asking too much of their peers, clients...etc. When there is conflict, people are demanding changes that leave the other parties involved too uncomfortable. People have to feel good and are going to find ways to continue to do it. They are not going to have their sense of well being threatened for long.

In regards to coaching, you can't ask your client to do things that are uncomfortable, not replace that source of comfort, and expect them to succeed long term. Either the change has to be small and singular in nature, the results of the change have to feel better than before, or something else has to be added back into the picture to get them feeling good again. That's good coaching. It's also what works. Nobody's ever going to be successful by asking people to feel lousy all the time.

In recent and historical events:

The wall that is supposed to be built at the Mexican border: those against it are going to have to solve the underlying problem(s) before denying people what they believe is their way to safety. I don't know if their main issue is the drug war, but I'm always telling people: 60,000 people have died in the Mexican drug war alone, and in some of the most brutal ways you can possibly imagine. Unregulated/illegal immigration causes plenty of problems as well. Go to southern Arizona and Texas and tell people that they get no wall. Those people are too far in comfort deficit.

(Pic cred:

In regards to Israel, their wall, and their dominance over the neighboring areas. Israel was under constant attack by its neighboring countries. What are you going to do? Tell them to "deal with it?" They did. Harshly. Probably not in the most sustainable way. Before you ask them to deal with it sustainably, protect them from being killed in a better way if you have one. They will not remain under threat. It's not human nature.

Sweden has a big problem with this. They often choose to not deal with a problem at all if they can't deal with it optimally, which leads a great amount of frustration because problems are on the rise..

A lot of people question the use of the atom bombs in Japan, especially the second. Would you have told the US gov't they had to wait while thousands of their troops were getting killed in the pacific?

People will not get too far out of their comfort zones. They can get far out momentarily, but not for long. At the time of this writing, the world is in a stage of its development that when two people are in conflict with one another, they both want the other to suck it up. That's similar to how beginner personal trainers treat their clients: they make a suggestion and want their client to suck up the difference between their suggestion and where they were just prior. Not going to happen.

There is a certain amount of sucking it up that everyone has to do, but I can assure you from my experience with clients that people will, quite simply, not suck it up for long. That's not how people work. They need to get feel good again.


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